Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
