He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
