my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize