My sheets look like a crime scene.
from now on my penis is your penis
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
