the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
