I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
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