I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
