She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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