omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
