you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize