She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
