I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
