I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize