Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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