I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
