I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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