I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
