i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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