bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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