It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
