I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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