just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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