yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I think I won the penis lottery.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
