if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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