i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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