then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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