You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
