Will you blow on my dice?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
