i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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