Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
