why didn't you poke me back
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
