That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
