How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
