dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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