Betty ford says i'm here all night
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
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