I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
