what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
