I love black thongs
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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