Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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