Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
