apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
