I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
