I hate your face
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
