It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
