she smelled like a LAN party
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
