Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
