Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
barbara walters just said penis...
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Even my vagina gasped.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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