They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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