what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
