there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
