It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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