i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
