how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
