I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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