Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
