I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Boobs speak an international language.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
