I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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