I can tuck mytits in my pants
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Randomize
