If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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