is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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