if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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