Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
