Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
