I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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