Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
