I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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