so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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