My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
