Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
