I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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