Don't you send me to vm
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
