Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
