Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize