Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I look better un-naked...
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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