I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize