I think im going to throw up on grandma
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
