I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
