Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
