when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Dear god my vagina.
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