So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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