My boss' voice literally gives me gas
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
