im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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