So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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