I can tuck mytits in my pants
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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