jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
