we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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