Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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