New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Randomize
