So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
