My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
