There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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