he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
