I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
