After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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