I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
