I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
