Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
