Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Success! We fucked roommates!
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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