Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
