We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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