u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
